About 3 years ago, my lips started getting chapped quite often, especially in cold weather. This, I’m sure, is pretty common. My skin in general does seem to become irritated rather easily, but I took this as being expectedly in line with my personality. I now find myself in a pretty dark place, one dominated by dependence to one substance, and I’m wondering if I’ll ever be able to wean myself off it. Maybe I need an intervention or something. As the song goes, ‘I know you can tell just by looking at my face, a word about my weakness, I’m totally addicted to...’ well, as it turns out, balm. And it’s getting serious.
I have theorised my problem, and am definitely in the used-products-so-much-you’ve-convinced-yourself-you’ll-die-if-there-isn’t-a-coat-of-balm-on-your-lips school of thought. And the symptoms are real. My lips have become so used to being smeared in something greasy that they get withdrawal symptoms after seconds of it wearing off. They rarely look that chapped, but they feel awful.
However, fashion magazines assure me this is normal, and that I should continue to invest in tubes of lippy goodness to ensure I never go without/insane. In every coat, bag, hoodie, and room, is evidence of my addiction. And I must say that for someone who takes ridiculously good care of their lips they’re not noticeably different to anyone else’s. Maybe it’s because the whole world’s hooked. Kinda like the X-factor of self-grooming.
I’ve had a few favourites in the past, but nothing really beats a good-old pot of Vaseline Lip Therapy. I have them in every variation: classic, aloe vera, rosy, cocoa butter, and both big and small sizes. I got particularly excited this Christmas when I spotted this super-sized tin with every variety inside (below). Unfortunately, my family refused to acknowledge this entry on my Christmas list in disgust that I could possibly need more Vaseline. Santa would never be so cruel.
The only thing I would complain about is having to dunk your finger into a pot of goo, especially when you’ve had it on your person all day (rule number one for budding balm addicts) and it has morphed into the consistency of warm wallpaper paste. Luckily I’m not too fussy, but I find myself constantly surrounded by people who are (notably my younger brother who, at the age of 21, still insists that I put it on for him). I often feel disappointed that Vaseline pots last so long too. I just can't supress the urge to buy new and exciting things!
The real beauty of the humble pot of Vas’ is its infinite possibilities. For instance when applying to my lips when I’ve got a cold, I habitually continue northwards, onto my upper lip and nostrils, with little regard for how shiny it makes my face. So for those of you that insist on blowing your nose with super-strong kitchen roll every 2 minutes (no judgement), Vaseline is the perfect antidote to your sore-skin woes.
The balm that first got me hooked was Benefit’s Dr. Feelgood (£21.50, benefitcosmetics.co.uk). When I first purchased it, it came as a duo pack along with a rather exciting lip exfoliating balm that you applied first to remove dead skin, and the wiped off. This was the reason I bought the product, but I didn’t really rate it and I’m pretty sure the full tube is hidden in my vast reserves of makeup that were surplus to demand (take note, trial and error is the only (expensive) way to find out what products work best for you). But the balm was a god send. And for six months it never left my side. I left my hoodie at work once and came close to tears when I realised I’d have to go an evening without it. I used Dr. Feelgood until it ran out and was so disgustingly tattered you could’ve confused the silver tube for a dead mackerel. And to my great despair, it doesn’t seem available in tube form now, only in a pot. So like Vaseline, if I wanna Feelgood (see what I did there?) I’m gonna have to get my hands dirty.
I’ve tried lots of other things over the years, and most have failed to impress. Too glossy and it's not simple enough to apply regularly, too sticky and it replaces a tight, dry sensation with an equally irritating one. And it needs to be discrete enough to sit nicely under lipstick, for which Vaseline is often too wet and shiny, but Dr. Feelgood does the trick with its relatively thick coverage and matte appearance.
I’m hoping that when the time comes that my bank balance doesn’t make me weep, I’ll be able to treat my lips to some seriously good stuff. Here’s just a few, both affordable and pricey, that I’ve heard really tick all the boxes.
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Malin + Goetz Mojito, £10, spacenk.co.uk |
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Lanolips Lemonaid Lip Aid, £8.99 victoriahealth.com |
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Crème de la Mer The Lip Balm, £37, cremedelamer.co.uk |
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| Aromatherapy Associates Moisturising Lip Balm, £13.50, spacenk.co.uk |
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Another past-fave, from my days as an Avon rep (I don't judge snotty kitchen-roll blowers so don't you judge me), is Avon's On Everyone's Lips daily lip refiner. I can guarantee that my Gran has a cupboard full of the stuff, so I'll sleep easy at night now that they've discontinued it. As much as my Gran used to force it on me (perhaps we're seeing the cause of the problem: a simple bit of child abuse) I do remember it being a bit on the thin side, and not quite as silky and thick as I like 'em. And as my lips are perennially chapped, maybe it's for the best that this one has been resigned to the history books.
Perhaps I’m not sick after all. I’ll probably never know, because I sure as hell won’t be going clean any time soon. If anything I enjoy my obsession for lip balm as one of my many qualities, as I do my love of trash TV or similar addiction to washing my face. (There’s the perfect fodder for another article; my, my, the wisdom I could impart about facial cleansers.) In the hour it took me to write this article, I’d estimate that I’ve applied my Vaseline 4 times. That’s once every 15 minutes. It’s the first thing I do on a morning, and the last thing before I clamber into bed at night. Sometimes I even sleep with it under my pillow. I know I’m not the only one out there, and I can say that with some certainty having infected my boyfriend with the same addiction. He prefers the aloe vera Vaseline if you were wondering.
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